So let's start from the beginning...
While on vacation in Newport, RI back in May, my boyfriend of almost 9 years at the time made the grand leap and proposed. Although we always discussed how cool it would be to get married on our 10 year anniversary it never really dawned on me that at some point an engagement period would occur. I was completely taken by surprise and before I could answer I found myself repeatedly hitting my now fiance yelling "Are you serious?!?!" Finally I managed to squeeze out my answer and the panic slowly began to creep over me like a cool ocean breeze while laying out on the beach. No the worrying was not a result of the actual commitment. I knew early on in our relationship that I could see myself with him forever. There was something so natural and perfect really about the way our relationship began and progressed. So the thought of it all, actually making it official, was exhilarating. It was the process through which all of that would happen...it was the thought of planning a wedding.
A few things you should know about me. For one, I was never the little girl that spent her days laying outside on a blanket dreaming about the day Prince Charming would come and ask for my hand in marriage. In fact I didn't much like the Disney fairy tales. I was bothered by why Cinderella didn't just run away and don't even get me started on Tinkerbell. I preferred The Phantom Of The Opera (I had the amazing experience of seeing it on Broadway while in elementary school) over Beauty And The Beast and instead of watching stories unfold I preferred to write my own. Sure I played with my baby dolls like any other little girl, loved playing dress up and grew up around countless examples of everlasting love but for some reason I always knew that getting married wasn't the only option and out of the sake of pure rebellion I chose the latter. Growing old in a posh NYC hotel with a couple of cats and a boyfriend with his own place seemed like a sweet deal.
Although there is absolutely nothing wrong with this and had the right man not come along I would still be strutting away on this path, what years of this mentality did do for me was throw away years of wedding planning. Apparently while waiting for Prince Charming, hundreds of little girls also took it upon themselves to think about what they would wear, how the proposal would happen, what the ring would look like, where the celebration would take place and who would attend. As these little daydreamers got older and more educated about the whole shebang, they chose colors and made friends based on whether or not Brittany would make a good maid of honor. They decided on what kind of inedible fondant cake they would like to serve to their guests and which live band would suit their taste. Years worth of planning were wasted away on such topics and while they planned it all out I was busy wrestling boys, teaching my cat how climb trees, buying shoes I didn't need, watching Toy Story way to many times while babysitting my nephew and wasting time playing Final Fantasy. I never looked at any of my boyfriends as potential husbands nor did I choose them based on any nonexistent husband qualities I may have had (how one determines said qualities is still a mystery but I am pretty sure its through way to many Mr. Wrongs). I just enjoyed their company until the day I didn't but on occasion the question of marriage would pop up and the best idea I after about 15 years was it would all just happen on beach somewhere. It's like showing up to your final exam after sleeping through the semester and only have notes from your roommate who took the class last year......
To add to my lack of preparation I haven't been to a slew of weddings. My usual response is that I haven't been to any but that's a lie. I was in a wedding once....actually twice. When I was about 5 years old I was given the honor of being the flower girl in my aunt's wedding. It was a production. It was the kind of wedding David Tutera puts on but the moment is extremely choppy. I remember forest green (the color of my dress and that of the bridesmaids), I remember the unsettling chaos that went on in the house before we left, I remember not being able to ride with my parents which angered me, I remember my hair was pre-relaxer which was and still is a nightmare and I remember not making it down the aisle as I stopped off to sit with my mom.
Jumping forward a few years in middle school (or was it high school???) I was again given the honor of being a bridesmaid in my brother's wedding. Another traditional production with church ceremony and hotel reception but what I did take from that experience was the cost of a bridesmaid dress. I was unaware until that day it was our responsibility to buy the dress...yet very little opinion on our behalf is ever accepted by the bride. I found that to be quite interesting and if my memory serves me correctly I almost stepped down because of it....in a completely polite fashion so uncharacteristic of the lovely ladies seen on Say Yes To The Bridesmaid Dress.
Continuing on I was a guest at my cousin's wedding which I ended up not staying for entirely. Its almost like for many weddings if you're not drinking (or unable as was my case) its not much fun. Which brings me to the last wedding I attended, this time with my Brian(my fiance) where despite being completely under the age (only 18) I fully enjoyed all that was being offered. The night is choppier than my very first wedding experience but I remember leaving feeling like it was the best wedding ever. And not saying that it wasn't but with wine and cosmopolitans galore with a dash of tequila any event...a funeral perhaps...would be an amazing event.
So...outside of not spending years thinking about my dream wedding and not making it a point to make friends with more of the marrying type, the only knowledge I have about weddings is open bars are a must and make sure your bridesmaids love the dresses they are paying for.
All of this information flooded my brain for the rest of vacation keeping me up at night watching Cloo TV. I really had no idea of where to begin so I started first with the where of it all, it sounded easy enough. Over breakfast the last day of vacation I asked about where we should have the wedding and it hit us both that the most obvious place would be Newport. We migrate there every year for vacation and its kind of been the perfect escape for us both. So it was settled. Newport would play home for our wedding and after tossing up the idea some more we decided we should just rent one of those houses on Ocean Drive and throw our party there. Perfect, we were getting somewhere.
As soon as I got back into town I dropped $40 on bridal magazines and spent the rest of the day getting inspired. Next thing off the check list was the dress and I found the perfect one by Monique Lhuillier. I started googling Newport weddings and it was then the train came to a complete and sudden halt. Had I planned this out back when I was 12 I would have realized that I should have started saving around the same time. Okay then, if a typical wedding runs about $40k there how much was that dress?? Oh only $10k..no biggie. The fantasy glasses came off and I actually started reading what was in the magazines.
-What the hell is the purpose of a seating chart
-What the hell is a save the date
-Why am I paying separately for the linens even though I renting them both from the same vendor
-If my choices are only chicken and steak why exactly is it $325 a person
-On that note who am going to have ask not to attend
-And when the hell is cocktail hour...I plan on drinking periodically all day and if I am paying for it why am I not able to enjoy it...
I was so clueless and before I even had to opportunity to collect my thoughts I went home and let everyone in on the news....by text message for some. And then the real headache began seeing as so many other people in my life either wanted me to go the route they didn't or have their big day mapped out and wanted to compare. Clueless and annoyed I retreated to my best friends house who is about as anti-relationship anti-wedding as it comes. I knew she wouldn't have much unwanted input but she calmly informed me that in no way shape or form will she relive prom. A complete disaster, for that occassion I ended up with three dresses none of which I wore, paid $150 for hair only to hate it the night of, found myself sending out my said friend for a strapless bra 20 minutes before dinner was to be served and when I finally got into the car I was once again delayed after a freshman crashed into my dad's car trying to impress a girl walking up the road. If prom was any indication of how I handle big events then my wedding is destined to be pure pandemonium and she insisted I better get organized.
But after another $50 in magazines, a few months and countless hours online I've managed to get somethings in order. I have my bridesmaids (only 2), I have a date, I am opting out of a church ceremony (the same bridesmaid will not attend otherwise), I want an open bar, a brandy and cheese station, no live band, no more than 100 guests, the bachelorette party will be in Vegas, the theme is food (if that even is a theme) and I have a really good idea for our party favors. I still need a venue, a DJ, a dress, and most importantly the funds to do it all.
If one main idea did arise from all this frustration is that after looking through magazine after magazine I do not want that. I don't want the typical princess dress or that ruched satin dress the consultants over at Kleinfelds keeps peddling on brides to be, the Princess Diana train, the run of the mill engagement ring (we will get to that story in another post) and if the florist tries to add one damn orchid into my bouquet I may cut her. I don't know what it is about fucking orchids but trust me its all hype....they are not that pretty or important. I find myself struggling so much in making a decision and I find so many of the wedding traditions to be quite absurd I can't stand the idea of jumping on the bandwagon but deep down inside I know if I elope, the deep seeded resentment will manifest into horrible arguments with my future daughter so I will go through with this. And as a way of venting freely without prejudice I created this blog.
My name is Megan and I am the awkward bride fumbling through tradition trying to make it my own.
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