Since the proposal, I've found myself with obsessed with wedding dresses. While waiting for my coffee to brew in the morning you could find me in the dark staring at dresses on my phone. Come lunch time at work I would confine myself in the car searching for dresses. And the minute I got home it was to the computer looking at even more dresses while watching Say Yes To The Dress. My best friend practically recorded every episode that I didn't get a chance to watch and on the weekends while flipping through the $100 worth of magazines I managed to accumulate we would watch them disecting each dress and discussing what I did and didn't want. And although all of this searching was incredibly fun, I always knew that it wouldn't really matter until the day I tried a dress on....but unfortunately that didn't stop me from carrying on.
Let me just say that I am not a definitive person. Starting from birth, I managed to show just how true this was allowing my mom's water to break only soon after deciding it wasn't time putting her through almost 13 hours of labor before the doc threw in the towel and took me out through a C-section. I see all shades of gray in between the black and white lines and the minute I think about making a decision another option pops up forcing me to reconsider. And with the wedding dress forever remembered through countless pictures and so many brides finding themselves regretting their choice years sometimes months after, the weight of the decision was becoming too heavy for my wayward soul. I had to approach this as carefully as possible which, to me, means taking in as much information as possible till I overload my mind and choose.
I also needed a plan A, B, C, D, E and so forth so I scoured the David's Bridal site for those dresses that would do when no others could. They have surprising upgraded their selection from the last time I was in the shop and was extremely surprised at the prices. But it got me thinking about quality and materials which left me wondering exactly what material did I want. I knew I didn't want to shine and after watching countless Project Runway episodes and cringing at the satin disasters I knew that option was out the window. I also knew I didn't want my friends and family to hear me walking before they saw me. With all the tafetta and crinoline type fabric sewn on to the dresses these days I couldn't understand how a bride could rock such an atrocity. In search of my prom dress I used to drive 30 minutes every other day to this one salon just to admire and try on dresses. You didn't need an appointment and she didn't mind window shoppers so it was the perfect place for me. On one occassion I tried on a stunning black ball gown with silver and white beading all over the bustier top and sprinkled along its princess pouf. I loved it. Not because I could see myself wearing it all night dancing let alone getting frisky in it later that night (of course that thought was before I found myself dumped...LOL) but it was simply stunning. But then I turned to leave the room to show my mom and it was as if the dress was reading my mind and knew I wanted to move before I did prematurely making noise. The rustling with every step was so annoying it brought me back to reality and I soon realized the dress was so heavy it was weighing me down. Slap on the extremely high price tag and I couldn't wait to take it off. It is probably this very memory that kept me from looking at anything remotely princess like for my wedding which took soooooo many dresses off the table.
So where did that leave me??
Actually in good shape. I had the mermaids, trumpets and sheaths to entertain me. But every episode of Say Yes To The Dress and every other page in The Knot that didn't present an oversized tutu seemed to be some version of the draped sweatheart strapless mermaid dress. Whether it was in lace or organza over satin, beaded or plain, with or without belt it was the same dress and although the sex appeal was..well appealing (lord knows of all days it was important for me to look and feel sexy on this day) I couldn't help but find myself utterly bored with it and once that feeling came over I couldn't look at another gown the same. It was at that moment I knew what my fiance saw after 2 hours shopping for shoes when I once again asked what do you think about these. Matter of fact I understood what all men go through in that situation. Every option has a high heel, they usually fall within a similar color story and they tend to be leather.....they all look alike and at that moment in my dress search each dress was so similar they were all blurring together. My hunt soon became the hunt to not look like a bride.
This new direction though finally led me on the path of gold. I was no longer limited to the color white or eggshell. Floral prints were acceptable and after watching another episode of Project Runway (yes it is an integral part of me and my best friends life and I am not ashamed...infact I may reference it again) I saw what I thought was the dress. Designer Alice Temperley was the guest judge and she was wearing a gorgeous cream embroidered long sleeve dress with a hunter green, maroon, and teal floral print. It was perfect, laid back and soooooo not your traditional wedding dress. I fell in love and immersed myself into her world. Again it was like another stroke of genius because I came across her bridal collection (how could I not have known...). Soon after it was Jenny Packham, Love Yu, Elizabeth Filmore, more Lela Rose and Alice & Olivia. I found Net -A-Porter's and Shopbop's online bridal boutique to be over stimulating but I visited every day hoping I would snag a killer deal. Unfortunately my request to have emails sent to me when markdowns were taken on my favorite designers was taken for granted by Shopbop and while doing my usual after work check of my favorite sites I discovered that infact a new markdown had been taken. A rather steep one in fact result in 70% off a Temperley dress that I really did love. Of course I missed it but everything happens for a reason.
By this time I was a regular dress browser on places like Etsy and a regular stalker of the "real weddings" tabs on some of my favorite wedding blogs hoping to find more options. But by September, almost five months after accepting the proposal I finally decided to make the appointment. Still somewhat unsure where to go and trying to ignore my friends and family request to get into Kleinfelds for a Say Yes.. taping, I googled for local boutiques here and Connecticut and some relatively unheard of options in NYC and RI. Although I thought it would be cool to get the whole experience at Kleinfeld's they were notorious for those dresses that I found rather uneventful and I'd really hate to waste anyone's time. I thought about places like Bloomingdale's or Berdorf's too but I knew that the budget would not be met and with my love of pretty dresses I could just imagine the conversation my dad would have with me after hearing the price tag. So instead I read reviews on the locals, analyzed the assortment and price range and studied the corresponding blogs. I got a feel for their customer and was thoroughly surprised with just how much variety was in my backyard. Despite the options I chose to go with Everthine Bridal Boutique in Madison.
Everthine for had the most unique selection here in Connecticut. The website was simple, beautiful and the photography of the salon had me wishing I was looking for a new home and theirs was on the market. Plus, I didn't have to make an appointment during the week (so many Saturday appts were taken at other boutiques) which would have meant rearranging my work schedule to get the day off during the week and giving up my weekend. I called up the girls and my mom and we settled on a day. Luckily the one thing I wasn't up in the air about was my budget and I was happy to know that they did have options for me within it. The appointment was for October 13th at 11:30 and the Friday before I was so excited. Finally I can get a good idea of what I want. Being the over thinker that I am. I drove down to my parents after work to discuss the schedule. Having thought about everything else I knew I wanted my hair wavy for the wedding and I decided to do my hair up similar to how I wanted it. It takes about 2 hours to do this so I planned on getting up around 8. I wanted to leave the house by 10am so that I had time to make a Starbucks run, get gas, pick on my best friend and then my cousin. Factoring in a bit of confusion with my GPS in trying to find the place I knew I would need a little breathing room with time.
I also knew I should wear appropriate underwear so that meant I had to buy a strapless bra. Can I just say I absolutely hate strapless bras....actually I'm just not a fan of the whole bra thing all together but that's another story. My favorite ones are my barely there sheer lace Miu Miu's and my super thin Calvin Klein's. Both aren't very practical and in cold temps always allow my nipples to say hello but they are sexy and comfortable so I can't resist. Strapless bras on the other hand slide down and are no where near as comfortable so if I've always opted to just nix the bra on those occasions when others would wear one. I knew I wouldn't be wearing a bra on the actual wedding day but just like with trying on bathing suits I knew it was necessary.
I'm not a fan of the sales associates at Victoria Secrets and after being fitted there incorrectly at least times I opted for Aerie. I'm addicted to their panties. Every time I walk past and the sign says 7 for $25 I'm instantly poorer. I went in and perused their selection and ended up in the the fitting room with a couple possibilities only to walk out with one and a the utter amazement that I did in fact find a strapless bra that was comfortable, convertible and extremely sexy...the Audrey. Resisting the urge to buy every color I grabbed the black and while waiting to check out I was introduced to their new fragrance Scarlet and decided to add that as well. I mean if I want to feel sexy on my wedding day why not make sure I'm feeling sexy when trying on the dresses to get the whole experience. Once at home, a couple glasses of wine later and an long talk with my mom and best friend about how I'm not buying anything and we are just going for the experience and to get an idea of what I want I finally went to sleep.
The next day went off smoothly and I arrived right on time to the most adorable red cottage. I walked in and the pictures did not lie...the place was adorable. White wood floors, beautiful rugs and tables right out of Anthropologie and sparkly accessories in every corner being lit by the natural light filtering in (I have a love of natural light most likely due to the fact that our current apartment keeps it all out). There was another appointment finishing up so we went into another super cute room and Melanie introduced herself while offering up some refreshments.I also got to meet Chelsea who was responsible for creating such an amazing atmosphere and wonderful selection. It was at this moment I find myself extremely nervous. No matter how prepared I felt, I knew I still had no idea what I wanted and HOLY SHIT I'm shopping for wedding dresses.
Soon after Melanie returned and began asking the questions I was dreading since I couldn't really answer them. Despite my confusion she picked up the main ideas and quickly returned with the first couple of dresses. Although I would consider myself extremely comfortable in my own skin, I couldn't help but find myself thinking about my fashion history class and the process through which the likes of Marie Antoinette used to get dressed. I can't remember the last time I was assisted in getting dressed and although I know my clumsy self would have tripped trying to do it on my own that part of the appointment did take some getting used...LOL
What I can say is that the minute the first dress went on I began compiling what I was looking for. From the bodice to the fit to the straps I began to look objectively through the pretty dress syndrome. Having chose the three people who know me best also helped. They weren't looking at the dress in terms of what they would wear, they didn't offer up too much opinion and if they saw me getting caught up in the pretty dress syndrome they were quick to simply state "....it doesn't look like you." And although this kind of back and forth is expected in the industry, I was made to feel completely comfortable with not knowing by Melanie. She was sweet and just kept picking a couple more at a time.
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| The first option and my awkward pose |
Before I knew it I had my first option. A gorgeous strapless number with a lace bodice and a free flowing skirt starting after a beaded belt. Now I have to say the whole beaded sash...adding a touch of bling...it was such a funny moment for me and my best friend. Every Say Yes To The Dress that we watched like clockwork we waited for the moment that the consultant came over and added the belt. We always thought it was kind of ridiculous and unnecessary but good lord does that belt make a difference. We couldn't help but feel put way back into our place...watching as many episodes as we did clearly didn't make us the experts we thought we were.
Keeping that dress in mind we moved on to a more formal option. With it fit and flare silhouette and beaded ivory lace, the dress stopped me dead in tracks when I saw my reflection. I fell in love and we moved into the main room to try on some accessories. Before this appointment I knew I didn't want a veil. There was no need for the dramatic reveal after saying I do before the kiss. Although I did want to look gorgeous as I present myself to my husband, we've been living with each other for almost 10 years so I didn't feel the need to be concealed up like some present. However, I did not refuse the option when suggested and a matching ivory veil was place in my hair that had gorgeous lace detailing and the most dramatic length. As I stared into the mirror with my bridesmaids and mom looking on, I felt like a bride. I imagined this the train following behind me as I walked down the the aisle to the alter in some grand church. I imagined how spectacular the pictures would look and then it hit me.....I didn't want this feeling. Not that there was anything wrong with it but it was that token I'm a bride feeling that I wanted to stay away from. I'm not changing into another dress after the ceremony and I could not get zone out to techno music in this elegant frock. From day one I knew their would be no religious affiliations with our ceremony as neither of us have a one. I didn't want a church ceremony and the hassle of transportation to another venue. On top of that I didn't actually a venue or ideal location. The vineyard option was at the top of the list but so was renting a house and throwing an outdoor barbecue...how ridiculous would I feel at the end of the day when I was dressed for a royal wedding while eating barbecue chicken.
I was getting the feeling that I would begin making some more appointments after this but Melanie wasn't done selecting she brought out a few more. I couldn't help but notice a particular lace dress that was screaming my name. I became excited to try it on. Sure playing dress in some of the other dresses was fun but I didn't have this anxious anticipation for any of the others that I was experiencing that moment. When I finally tried it on I knew it was over. It had the sex appeal that I love, the comfortable enough to go grocery shopping in it feeling and the uniqueness to keep me from feeling like any other bride I've seen. Plus I hadn't seen this dress before. It was the most fun out of all the other options and I couldn't help but play around in it. Everyone knew I had the dress and Melanie grabbed some accessories to complete the look. Being that the dress was a statement on its own I didn't think a full veil was needed but when she picked out this adorable mid-back length stunner I loved it. The sexiness of the dress seemed like such a contradiction mixed with the veil but it worked and it was so playful.
I refused to believe that in my very first appointment and after only 12 dresses I could have found my dress but even after trying on a few more, nothing could compete with it. But knowing myself, I knew this infatuation would be short lived. Countless times have I watched myself fall head over heels in love with something only to change my mind the next day. Nothing can prove this more than my return history at a few of my favorite stores....fall in Friday only to regret Monday. My dad thought it was the most ridiculous habit of mine to return clothing as much as I did and he never understood how I could change my mind but it was a part of nature. Keeping this in mind I decided to make a second appointment and take some time to think on. I will not be able to forget the smile on Melanie's face. Having come across so many brides as she probably has, she knew I had found my dress before I could accept it and although she encouraged taking some time to think about I firmly believe she knew nothing would compare.
And nothing did. I couldn't even bring myself to make an appointment somewhere else. Why confuse myself when in my heart I knew I had found it After coming across so many brides who spent hours and hours trying on dresses, traveling all over to different boutiques, getting fooled and ordering disasters online how in the world did I get so lucky to find the dress in one shot??
I blame it on deep down inside knowing what I didn't want even if I couldn't express what I did. Spending the time to really look at what each boutique had to offer and going back to what I didn't want in order to take so places off the list really helped as well. If all they offered was princess gowns whats the point if I didn't want that. And although I do believe you shouldn't rule any style out, if you find yourself really uninterested in lace why bother trying it on. It is so easy to get lost in the moment and prettiness of a dress you could only confuse yourself further. Options aren't always helpful.
Looking at the environment and decor of each possible option and referencing it back to my own personal tastes was helpful too. I love NYC and have always wanted to live there but when it came to making such an important decision did I really want the fast paced mentality? Did I really want to hear the chatter of at least 3 other bridal parties as I was trying to drown out my own inner voices?
I believe keeping these questions and other like them in the back of my mind really helped make the right beginning decisions to finding the right dress and having people who really knew also helped.
So yesterday I headed back to Everthine this time meeting with Chelsea and I officially said yes to the dress. It was such an amazing experience all together that I don't see how it could have been any better. If you're like me and have find yourself bored with Say Yes To The Dress regulars and happen to live within driving distance of Connecticut I would highly recommend Everthine. You may find yourself wanting to go back just to hang out...at least I did.
Oh and that's right I'm not saying anything more about the dress...the last thing I need is for my friends and family to Google the designer and figure out what dress I'm wearing and then ultimately have it leak back to my fiance. Outside of a few select people whose lips are completely sealed it shall remain a secret until the big day.
(images courtesy of Shopeverthine.com and me)
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